Words I Cannot Keep

There's desire raging and it's tearing me apart
Now you're saying it's just a dying spark,
Who knew baby our love would disappear,
Go ahead and tell me you don't care about the dark.

See how quickly I'll be missing you
You never believed in anything I do,
Not even one ember is burning in your heart
I knew that you'd leave me from the start.

When you left me I made such a fuss
But I was all ready and prepared for the fall,
So don't even think about it there's no more us
It's just a hurting feeling.

We could have had it all
Fallen in love too deep,
You had the cards in your hand
But aces you did keep.

Baby, of those lies I'm not sold
You know well enough that I've heard them all
But when you want me I won't be there
There will only be silence when you call.

Scars have been cut deep and because
Remind me that once we had it all
But soon scars will heal and thus
Time with you I won't be killing.

Yeah there is only silence when you call
For true love no one can keep
You held both my heart and soul
So cry.cry baby go ahead and weep.

You never had it so good as before
Yeah it hurts don't it you don't have me anymore
Memories sure bring times of old
But pay backs are a bitch when you reap what you sow.

So now cower and cry in abject misery
Don't even on my cell phone call
Tears are gonna roll, weep my baby weep.

We could have been lovers if only time could keep
Cry my baby cry love, as you fall into the deep
Cry baby cry let those crystal tears seep
My love decided on faith and finally took a leap

What A Razor Is To Me

When that dark presence,
Fills my thoughts,
To my blade I will turn,
For the pleasure I sought.

Straight dark scars, cover my body.
From my broken dreams,
And the loves I have lost.
My head swirls, as red ink I see.

The blood now forced out, with the use of my self-harm.
Now, as you worry and plea,
For me to stop, this lovely trick I've learned.
This sweet creation, that allows me to be.

We both know it won't go away,
These scars on my arm, are forever to stay.
Seeing them fade, it almost makes me sad.
And when I tell you, you only get mad.

You say I don't need it,
That I can fight. but still you fail to see,
When I'm fighting everyday.
To keep myself alive.

To keep from putting,
A bullet in my skull.
I cut, and I cut.
Until my blade turns dull.

Do not fear though, its never too deep.
Just deep enough, so my eyes will not weep.
I know how to stop it,
After I've seen the blood I needed to meet.

When I go to the store, I grab my necessities.
No turning back, Peroxide, gauze, and scar cream too.
Vaseline, and never too few, packs of fresh bandages.
Plus the makings of a new tourniquet for that 'Just in case'.

But lets not forget, the most important item to me.
That fresh pack of razors, I clutch in my hand.
Its not for the pain, no that's only one part.
They're my survival tool.

My razor is my best friend,
It gives me strength to fight on.
My razor grants me focus, you say it only hurts me.
But in truth, My razor is what keeps me alive.

Today

Today I'm tired of the hurt,
I'm tired of the pain.
I know no other form of relief,
But for my blade to bite deep.
As red water runs,
Free and clear,
Down my arm. Down my wrist,
A feeling I hold so dear
Sweet relief, sweet sweet relief.
Its all I know.
Its all I have.
Jump now, in my pool of crimson,
Wash the pain away.
Suddenly I can breathe.
Everything is crystal clear,
Tears long since stopped.
Thanks to my sweet relief.

Today I'm tired of the itch,
Tired of the urge.
The compulsive, knowing I'm not in control,
When relief is all I want,
Am I addicted?
Am I addicted?
If I hear the whispers of want,
Does it hurt? No.
When it hurts not to,
Is that an addiction?
Sometimes to see red,
Sometimes to breathe,
Sometimes to relax,
Is that an addiction?
My sweet relief
My sweet, sweet relief.

Today I just don't care.
I know in my heart,
I don't want to be here.
I'm tired of feeling,
Tired of caring,
Let me fall,
Deep in that abyss.
The feeling of darkness,
That I've always held so dear.
Please don't cry,
Now when my soul disappears.
And my body now goes,
Deep in the ground.
Six feet under.
Now your voice, finally tuned out.

Remind Me

Remind me why, I thought you'd stay.
Remind me why, I actually believed.
That you'd be here, no matter what.
I get it, I had a moment where I fucked up.
But was there no hope for redemption?
I never said I was perfect,
I showed you my scars to prove it.

My blood dripped,
I cried oceans, I've bled rivers.
All punishment, All sorrow.
And now,
You are gone. You have someone new.
I guess you wanted someone whom is perfect.

For that is not I.
So remind me why I tried?
Remind me why, I'd thought we'd survive?
Oh yeah.
Because you told me,
You'd be there no mater what happened, through all the shit.
You'd be there. That's what you said. I believed.

You were my ground,
My home,
My shoreline.
And now I'm left,
Waiting to die in a hole.
You can't say,
That I never gave, my blood, sweat, and tears.

So remind me why,
I gave so much of them, even when you're gone.
Remind me why,
I wished so long to be with you again.
Remind me why, I was willing to lay my life down.
Remind me why
I gave you not just my love, but my everything.

Razor Blade Kisses

Now I lay me down in bed to plead
visions of torture inside my head
with razor blade dreams- to bleed
in the morning they'll find me dead.

I'll slit my wrists down to the bone
and stain these white sheets with red
they’ll find me cold and still and all alone
from every drop of blood I've bled.

For cutting has been my wretched life
ever since she broke my restless heart
quickly became friends with the knife
for my soul has been sliced apart.

And the way I see it I won't be missed
with the lips of a razor, forever kissed.

Kiss Of The Blade

One more kiss of the blade;
I swear this time's the last.
I was doing so well,
now I've slipped back to my past.

One more tiny cut,
just to erase the pain.
Who am I kidding?
I know I'll do it again.

One more drop of blood;
a tear falls down my cheek.
I don't know what happened.
How did I become so weak?

I thought that I was past this,
thought I'd made it through.
I'm running out of excuses,
for now I'll just blame you

You made me hate myself,
you made me pick up the tool,
you brought back my self-loathing,
you made me look like a fool.

I know that I'm fucked up,
I know that I need help,
I know I'll never stop;
I can't quit by myself.

One more slice of the skin,
another day in long sleeves.
Nobody thinks anything of it,
I'll be screwed when Winter leaves.

One more kiss of the blade,
another ugly scar;
self inflicted open wound,
one day I'll go too far.

Fade

One more night,
One more day,
One more cut,
To fade away.

The pain I've tried so hard to hide.
Deep in the pit, that is my mind.
Is now ever present,
As these words I find.

After I'm gone, soon you'll see,
There was nothing good about me.
Soon enough my soul will fade.
And my feelings for you, lost in the shade.
Of my corpse as I now lay.

Now quick is the time to pull away,
For my body knows pain is the only way.
If I survive tonight,count me lucky.
For there is a crimson tide, that covers me.

The warmth of my skin, now left cold.
The still of my heart, a sight to behold.
Because it's all I have left to give,
To you, my love is all I have.

If I awake tomorrow,
I'll give one more day,
One more night,
One more cut.
Just another chance, to fade away.